The Rainbow Connection

Home

2006-08-20T22:16:00.000+08:00

What's your ideal home like?
Home = The flat or apartment itself or how those ? square-metres of space + the inhabitants may mean to you at the beginning of the day, during the day and at the end of the day, and much of your lifetime while you reside within?

Ff & I have set ourselves the following criteria in our search for THE flat:
- The "hardware" = situated at a high level, centre of the island, corner unit, not facing the sun directly, windy, brightly-lit, situated near the MRT station / town centre
- The "software" = Makes one feel good; clutter-free; the seller needs to be free from complaints from the neighbour(s)...etc etc

We've seen about 12 flats thus far - oh my...seemed like such an unbelieveable feat after all?!?? Let me have a little recapt...
Exhibit 1: Eeeeerieeee.....the flat's already vacant (save for the altar and a big bed) - well,the owner's passed on..
Exhibit 2: Great view and okay renovation, located on the 17th floor!...but not near any MRT stations + very expensive
Exhibit 3:Big and breezy, unblocked but no-no from the "oldies" 'cos of the *potential* of being blocked + it's too expensive and not very accessible
Exhibit 4: Mediocre location, mediocre renovation and pricing...
Exhibit 5: Dodgy dodgy! It seemed so "dark" the moment i stepped in! Only gals would feel that way?
Exhibit 6: Corner unit, on a high level, brightly-lit, BUT the living room's shaped like a hexagon = funny wall edges here and there - soooo "un-smooth"!?
Exhibit 7: Big kitchen, big bathrooms, okay renovation BUT blocked view from the living room - by 40-storeys high flats!
Exhibit 8: Located on a high floor, windy, brightly-lit, unblocked, seller = simple old folks BUT it's a corridor unit!
Exhibit 9: Situated on a high floor, near the town centre, unblocked, view of macritchie reservoir from afar, okay renovation BUT well....that big figurine against the bright-red wall? The high price wasn't the main push factor after all!
Exhibit 10: Great 30th-floor flat in a great location, unblocked, but feels like an oven - all the rooms get their dose of the sun and it cost a bomb!
Exhibit 11: Okay location, one of the best in renovation, feel and pricing BUT located on the 5th floor with just ONE push factor - a blocked view from the living room = yeah, i'll be able to see my little blue car at almost eye level if i choose to park there!
Exhibit 12: Okay location and renovation BUT i may end up sleeping in a sun-baked room and having prying eyes from passers-by!

Sigh.......when will we ever find THE flat?? We're getting kinda weary and blurry-eyed after these past few months of house-hunting...I can't even recall the many other private apartments and showflats we had seen before these 12 exhibits. It's become almost 2nd nature for me to comment "oh, this is unblocked" whenever i step into someone's flat - be it my own relative's or friend's!?!?? I'm going bonkers man!

Thank God for coming to our rescue - we're reminded of this - HOME - yessss....HOME is not equivalent to the flat / apartment itself. It's more of trusting and coming back to Him, and keeping in mind the times and days ahead FF & I will share with each other that should really matter, not just to suffice the this-and-that of our criteria for our "dream" flat.

Well, as long as the flat's in one piece and not some make-shift or ageing flat...we can make it as HOMEly as we want it to be and we can live happily ever after - knowing He is with us. Be it a car park at the front, prying eyes at the back, HE is with us.

Milestones Continued...

2006-06-08T20:50:00.000+08:00

..I've been to that land of the rising sun = Tokyo finally! Yeah, i've always wanted to go there - for the ramen, sushi and the experience of being a pseudo japanese :)
..Zacky little hunky baby who's now 14 months old actually says "GOD!" with much joy when he sees me via the webcam, haha! Yeah, it's exclusive to me 'cos he says "Baobao" or "Ah Ma" when he sees my folks.Wonder if this exclusive term for addressing me is more for "Good grief!?" or maybe i'm that important to a baby - whose view of everything may seem so much bigger and awesome?!??Very coooool a nephew i've got - look at his first words - very unlike his peers. Who would go around saying "God" at such an age?
..I'm engaged!..since 15 May :) Yeah, that once-in-a-lifetime question which only one someone would ever ask has been asked, with knees bowed :)
..I'm now like many others in the midst of house-hunting, wedding preps - yeah, this is like a pre-empt to that next phase in life
..Topics at family mealtimes these days revolve around the following - HDB flats, wedding preps,freehold apartments,bridal gowns,etc etc. It's almost like another world at times...

Today

2006-04-27T19:04:00.000+08:00

Today....

I saw a rainbow *twice* after the rain while driving to work
I recall that look of hopelessness on the man (in his 40s) who was told that it wasn't safe for him to take anything orally for the rest of his life
I saw that bright smile on an uncle who could now eat / drink without any tubes in and out of him
I saw a man all paralysed - unable to breathe on his own, can only mouth his wants and thoughts, needs to rely on that tube to get his stomach filled
I recall with much joy how Zacky little hunkie baby has said "O God" with much gusto when he's not even 1 year old
I attended to an uncle who couldn't articulate his name properly or tell anyone what he wanted and he's painfully aware of his difficulty
I climbed up 13 levels to get home
I heard of many patients who couldn't even get out of their beds

Time

2006-03-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

Isn't it so often that we tell ourselves or the others the following?

"I won't be able to make it on time today"
"We'll have to meet another time"
"I don't have time for this, that, etc etc"

When time comes pressing - face to face with you - in the form of someone's demise, you finally have the time - albeit to grief over how much you could have done or told someone and to grapple with the "if only-s"?

Such is the brevity / fragility of life - that i have heard of 2 funerals (of my close friends' relatives) over the past month. I had attended one of them actually - the first in my circle of friends. The other - i just heard of only an hour ago - my dear ff's grandpa, whom i have met a number of times during the past year.His grandparents reside in Malaysia - about 2-3 hours' drive from here so i may not be able to pay him my last respects.

Time brings along happier gifts as well - i have also just heard of 2 baby gals turning a month's old recently. They bring to mind hope for the future, and hope for unfulfilled dreams of this generation perhaps.

I'm thankful that i haven't had any major confrontations with time, but i know that i'll have to one day - as i grow older, so do my folks and loved ones. Each demise i know of only reminds me of the urgency - to spend enough time with this and that friend and my family - not just in quantity but in quality as well. It's hard to split ourselves into pieces to be there for every possible someone (sometimes across the globe from us) at every possible time, but it may just take a simple sms or email - which i know i haven't done enough of.

I can only hope that i'll never have to face someone's demise with regret. In the meantime, i'll have to work harder and race against time...

Unresolved?

2006-02-22T18:31:00.000+08:00

Hello again to me, myself and i..haha...

Well, i bumped into my very first boyfriend (let's call him K) when i was having dinner with my current dearie & his family. Yeah, of all people and of all timing, it had to be then and there.

Just a little briefie on K - he's the guy i had fancied 12 years ago and cared alot for. We sorta parted ways not because things had gone very bad but more because i had to leave for overseas studies. Guess our lives just didn't manage to intertwine thereafter and we didn't really keep in touch regularly except for the occasional smses during our birthdays.

Somehow, he was always in my thoughts - not in a romantic way anymore but just an unresolved part of my life i guess. We first bumped into each other at Bedok Jetty 6 years ago - a most unusual meeting ground. I was there cycling. He was there for work and appeared at the moment when i was wondering if i would bump into him.That sorta shook me alittle - he's like a skeleton in my closet for reasons unknown to myself.

Hmmmmmm and now i had to bump into K again - which had set me thinking....just what it is that i need to resolve / talk about with him so that i don't have to even think of him again?

Give me some time to come up with my next blog.......maybe by then the ambiguity will be alittle more resolved and then i can share?

Family

2006-01-06T14:36:00.000+08:00

I'm starting this new year's blogging with a more reflective one...Let me talk a little bit about my family today as i am missing some of them...

Yeah, a nuclear family of 5 that has grown to 6, 7, 8 and now 10, inclusive of my 2 sisters-in-law, my baby nephew, my dear ff and Auntie Monica (mom of sis-in-law 1)....and it's not going to stop there i guess....with ff''s folks being chummy with "all the other parents", haha....and not forgetting all the other significant siblings, etc etc

Looking back at 2005, i thought it's darn cool that ALL of us had lunched together on Christmas Day. Yeah, it was a luncheon for 15 of us in all, woah! As the crowd gets bigger each year, so does the number of pressies, haha!

Well, i'm now all alone in my flat + babysitting bro kb's flat as well - bro kb, jo and baby zac have left for the states with my folks in tow to help them out for a couple of months. It has sorta hit me that despite the beauty / convenience of all the furnishings and gadgets in a flat, it's but an empty shell without its inhabitants, or rather, the warmth and love that permeates when the people are around.

Bro kb's place is just not the same without zac's chuckling, drooling, playpen, toys and cries. I could still catch a slight whiff of that lingering baby / milky smell when i first went there the other day. It's gone now. The baby chair's bare. It's just not the same without bro and jo as well. No one offering us ice-cream and chocolates. No one patting me on my head or trying to strangle me.

It had been such joy for our family - especially with baby zac added - i will miss the outings we had to the esplanade, east coast, etc etc. It was simply cool - picture this: grandparents, parents and baby and the rest of us sharing a chocolate fondue! That was heaps fun but wouldn't be repeated for the next 18 months until bro's done with his postgrad.

Hmmmmm,i am beginning to miss my folks' nagging now that they aren't around as well.This chinese new year's the first in all my living years that i'll hafta spend without my immediate family. How lonesome...well, actually not exactly since i'll be travelling with ff's family....but, it's just not the same without my own family.

Oh well, i'm not making much sense out of this empty shell, am i? I guess i'm just kinda sad, especially so since i have been to the airport's departure hall twice within 9 days to send off people close to my heart. Yeah, i finally got to hug bro after yearsss of not having done so somehow (maybe 'cos he was always trying to strangle me?) and no words could describe how i felt when jo patted me on my head before she left last night - considering how i had been to her when she first got introduced to our family yearsss ago. I thank God for each of them, for blessing me with this family. I can always find another flat if i dislike it, but i'll never find another family that's truly family.

Honesty - a virtue?

2005-11-18T19:22:00.000+08:00

Am in the wondering-aloud (albeit to the pc screen and the walls) mode...

Is honesty a virtue - that everyone holds dear? desires? avoids? falls short of?
Someone close to me always laments about being picked on for being too honest to me!?
Yeah, the outcome of being honest to yourself or others = good? bad? Maybe that's why there's something called a white lie?...or maybe that's why some people choose to be in a state of nonchalance or even oblivion, refusing to let others' hurls of so-called honesty get to them?

I still don't know if it had been a good move to be honest to a friend -recently-about how i felt. It was a genuine no-malice-intended sharing about the friend. Nothing judgemental or personal or confrontational. Merely sharing.Maybe to me, it was part of ventilation and opening up, but to the friend, it was an unwelcome sharing / gentle reminder or reproach he/she didn't want to hear? I really don't know. What i do know is, ties are now somehow strained without any quarrels or dramatic arguments or exchanges.

It's strange how things can be so irreversible. You know how you had tried so hard to keep a secret and finally blurt it out unwittingly, feel that "oops!" and that's it = no way to turn back the clock at all. Or you had rehearsed umpteen times in your mind how you wanted to tell someone something, then a wrong choice of word or tone not intended - thanks to the lacklustre wiring between one's brain and mouth in that split second - and that's it = irreversible and then you feel that tinge of regret. On the other hand, restraining from being honest may also lead to all the "what-ifs".

Oh man, should i be honest or not? Yeah, tell me about being honest in a win-win manner = tactful and diplomatic, and in contrast = blunt and lacking thoughtful planning of one's words or indecisive and too hesitant when it's neither!??Either way it's still gonna rain regrets all over - over yourself or the others.

Now, have i answered my own questions? Yes or No i would say. Am i being honest then?

I have...

2005-10-18T21:34:00.000+08:00

been back to Adelaide, Melbourne & Tasmania in Aug / Sept ....

=had my Boost juice (damn..there's Liver Cleanser no more!??), dip platter & hot choc at Spats (yummy!), brownie & latte at KooRong ( - even they're using Lavazza now!), those (salty) jap / asian-ish food at the Myer's food court and not forgetting, the fish & chips at Victor Harbour and breath of fresh air at Mount Lofty, Hahndorf and Windy Point!

=met Auntie M who's ever generous with her hugs & muackssss but haha, there's the gender issue with regard to Jeff, haha

=driven off-track on the way to Phillip Island for a split second 'cos that ascent hatch was flying with the wind at that moment!?? Well, actually i had let go of one of my hands on the steering wheel at that moment too...while the car wheezed by at 110km/h. I forgot it's not electronically-aided steering like my marchie...

=had the best Viet food i've ever eaten at Mekong along Swanston Street. Maybe i was too hungry?..but it passed my taste buds test twice within 2 days :) Oooooh, viet-style grilled chicken and cold bee-hoon, yummmmmy!

=been blown apart atop Mount Wellington - i could neither stand nor squat proper! No other wind is too strong for me now man!

=stayed at a lodge atop the hill enroute to Mount Wellington - lovely, lovely, lovely!

=driven a Hyundai Sonata!??!??Goodness - and one of its tyres had to give up on us on the day we're leaving for Singapore!

=met up with my uni chum at her cosy farm house - complete with hubby and baby and a fffffffab meal prepared by her! (Jeff & I caught a rainbow when we reached there too!)

=come to realise for sure i'm with a good chap and i thank God for him :) - the one who ensured there's boiled water and warmed-up bathrooms wherever we stayed :) , the one who changed the tyre in his long-sleeved shirt and all within 10? 15? minutes! WOW!

heard & experienced lotsssssss....

=heard Baby zac zac say "Ooooooo", "Mmmmmmm" & "fffff" (according to Jolene). Hmmmmm, he'll learn to call ff soooooooon then? Hehe!

=thrown away 6 garbage bags and 4 boxes of stuff - from every year of my lifetime, including those cooking sets, Barbie dolls and toys that used to be part of my childhood days, stacks of diaries, notes, books and pieces here and there which i have refused to let go of somehow, even though i haven't seen the light of most of them for years! Well, throwing them away was one thing. Lugging them all the way down 4 storeys and to the rubbish collection point was another! Not forgetting...that was not going to be the last of my room-cleaning!

=been in the process of getting ready for THE move in a month's time - away from where i have spent more than half my lifetime, away from familiar surroundings and routines. I'm so going to miss this place - it's where i had gone through those angst-filled teens and young adulthood days after all.The reluctance to move - not just for sentimental reasons, but also that unwillingness to let go and get used to something new again. Sorta uprooting oneself and re-establishing oneself all over again. Like how i felt before leaving for Adelaide more than 6 years ago (!)

=been very blessed to have my ff - someone who's such an integral part of me that i don't even think about him being a part or not. We're always talking, sharing, doing simple / everyday-ish things together and laughing together! There's rarely that moment of weird silence or boredom in a way.There's never that uncertainty about him.After a year together, i still look forward to his calls, messages and presence, and i believe that will be so after years of years to come.

Milestones (Revisited)

2005-07-19T18:57:00.000+08:00

Woah, it's been a good 3 1/2 months since i last had the decency / clarity of mind to sit town for this entry...well, well, time to pause at the red light junction to consider, ponder, reflect and plan ahead perhaps?

1. I'm now Auntie Kate to my 3 months and 13 days-old baby nephew a.k.a Zac Zac-aorrrr =) ...who has apparently picked up this high-pitched voice of mine, haha! He's always drooling, and turning to cough-cough certain anatomical part of me when i do carry him in my arms. I love it that i can try all the speechie stuff i've ever learned on him. I love it that he stops crying when THE entertainer - that's yours truly - gets in her act. I must be born to entertain him, 'cos no one else in the family goes to THAT extent. I love it that i can dress Zac zac-aorrrr in Fox-Kids' cool baby rompers and those holly singlets, hehe. I look forward to his first word-like sound, climb, walk, etc....

2. Big bro & Carol are now happily married - i'm glad i haven't had to grieve over the "loss" of a brother that terribly. Just gradually getting used to the bulk of all nagging and responsibility of ensuring the welfare and safety of my folks being on me, myself and i, now that it's only me and them at home. What have i done thus far? Sent dadda to A & E on a very rainy Sunday 'cos he had injured his head, retro-fitted their bathroom with slip-proof mats for fear of yet another fall or something similar, emptying the drawer of expired medications, creams and etc, getting a more updated first-aid kit, etc etc.Heavy-weight stuff man.

3. More gatherings among his and my folks, and even Carol's mom nowadays. We're envisioning more outings among ALL the in-laws, haha. Amazing how they can get along, and how things have got to this stage. Well, such gatherings aren't free from talks revolving around who's the next grand-parent / who's the next mother-in-law., one gets the drift. We're the only ones who haven't got any in-laws as yet.

4. More bitchings from close friends about their in-laws-to-be, wedding plans and etc. I wonder, it it really such terrifying joy to be getting hitched after all? Surely things can be simpler, happier?

5. Work-wise, am on the ENT / neurosurg / orthopaedic / SICU roster now. am still getting used to all the trachy, head and neck cases i do see every now and then. No wonder i sometimes lose my appetite at lunch...

6. I've finally attended the contemporary service at his church by myself while he's serving at sunday school - where i feel much of Him and see - for the first time in 2 1/2 years - a spot in which i can perhaps settle down and serve, learning too it's never too old or young for one to start obeying and walking (again) in His way. I'd also met some of his closer friends / seniors at church - it helps to know more than just him at church,to slowly ease into his church i hope..

7. Upcoming trip down-under in 5 weeks time - my much-awaited 2-weeks vacation to Adelaide, Melborne and Tasmania with him =) Looking forward to the dip platter at Spats, brownie at KooRong, coffee at Cibo, and ooooooh, Boost juice!

To be continued......

Milestones

2005-04-01T18:57:00.000+08:00

My milestones as an earthling, or rather, whatever "milestones" i've reached recently...
1. I had one of my wisdom teeth extracted last weekend - the short operation was kinda traumatic. I could feel the force but not the pain till the L.A wore off hours later. That tooth of mine was deeply buried within my gums so it took my dentist a whole load of force indeed to take it out in one whole piece, intact. It must have been foolishness all my life lamenting over the lack of wisdom teeth (when i didn't have any) - which i came to perceive as a mark of true adulthood, haha, whole load of crap? It's been all week of pain and swelling of my right cheek - the pain's so excruciating at times that i wish i hadn't gone for the operation. It's also been all week of "baby food and diet" and not being able to speak as much as i want to. All i hope for is to be pain-free, ulcer-free, swelling-free soooooon, so i can also start chewing food again. Oh how i miss the act of chewing!...doesn't really matter if i'm a true-blue adult or not if i could turn back the clock..

2. I'm gonna be an auntie sooooon - my bb nephew's due to arrive within the next few days. He may arrive on my birthday after all, how cool to celebrate with a bundle of joy.That would be the best birthday present for me :) I've been "talking" to my bb nephew for a long time. It's time for us to meet up, hehe! Guess it's one of the phases in life when I'm not gonna be the youngest at home anymore - bb Zaccaeus would reign as the youngest, as our little prince , ahhhhhh...i can't wait to take on the role of an auntie, to buy him clothes from LifeBaby, to hear his first oo-oo, da-da, etc etc

3. My 5 1/4 month old Snoopy got scratched deliberately by some idiot! Sigh, an ugly 4-5 cm scar remains...not to mention some little dents when people don't care how they open their car doors. Yeah, this "milestone" as a first-time owner of a new-ish car seeing her preciousssss little car get injured...

4. My folks have met his folks twice already - not that it's the major major sort of meeting to discuss about our future but yeah, they have met. And that's sort-of a big thing in its own league eh?...meaning we can't play around, can we?

5. There's someone mashing up my food, taking care of me, showering me with all the TLC and putting up with my groaning in pain last weekend -unconditionally - and he's not my dad. Dadda no longer needs to be the one going to the dentist with me and being the sole carer of me. That shows i'm all grown-up adult eh - having the special and significant other to share all woes and joys with. That someone who's also doing and being what comes with being an adult. i guess?

6. People do take what i contribute at work seriously. I'm no longer a young rookie speechie who can be corrected or held with disregard. It's scary at times, reflecting on what i've done / said, how seriously people do regard me and what i hafta say. It is scary man.

Sigh, these also show that i'm "no longer all young and ignorant" - good or bad i wonder?

2005

2005-01-11T18:00:00.000+08:00

Here's a quick little recapt on year 2004 and what await me this 2005....

The year 2004 ended on a sweet note of course - i didn't hafta be all by myself on Christmas or New Year's eve / day :) Hmmm, i guess it's not so much to do with me being by myself or not, but rather having someone special to share such moments with, from a different perspective too. I got myself a new job and a new car during the last quarter of the year - it's been great thus far - new colleagues, new friends and new experiences on a daily basis.

For this new year 2005.....i'm in eager anticipation of....
1) My baby nephew who's due this late March / April. Little Zacceus seems pretty keen to disrupt his parents' plans for Christmas and New Year's day - always causing them to miss out on our dinner gatherings. I hope he'll choose to arrive on my birthday and not be too premature a baby...

2) My big bro's wedding in May - I'll get to dress up again, haha! For now, it's goal no. 1 to be abit more toned up all over so that i can wear that cheongsam or slinky dress, hehe

3) Every moment spent with my loved ones - more discoveries of one another

4) Trips overseas with my significant other - to share with each other many other things that lie beyond our borders

5) More growth and learning on my own part....i'm hoping to take up powercraft driving, and some sort of dance classes at some point in time

I'm not gonna talk about new year resolutions but i hope to become a better daughter, sister, auntie-to-be, girlfriend, colleague and friend. Methinks...what constitutes "better" ? Well, well, i'll be able to answer that Q the next time i write about year 2005 and 2006!

My Way

2004-12-22T19:05:00.000+08:00

Welcome back to my blog - since i've been M.I.A for the past month!?!?? Well, in fact, i've not been keeping up with anything online 'cos of a lack of time somehow...wonder why??!??

I have sooooo much to share but it's quite unlikely for me to do so within a monthly entry like this!? Oh man....what has happened to my almost daily blogging?...no thanks to the new work place, persons and events keeping me busy, oops! It's good to be busy and occupied though - knowing that my time's more meaningfully spent - doing real work and spending time with people instead of vegging away "anti-social" & by myself, in front of the tv / buried in those female mags / sleeping my weekend afternoons away - these have all become part of history! Hmmmm... so i can conclude that i'm now less self-indulging since i'm sharing parts of me with other people these days :) I do miss those vegging-away days though....those times spent by myself to recharge and just do nothing "meaningful"....hmmm....seems pretty hard to please myself i must say! Guess i will hafta work towards a balance between the two to stay sane.

I'm glad that i'm still very "me" when it comes to work - i love being a more personable speechie to the old folks i see, i love to see the faces (of the uncles or aunties) "light up" upon recognition of me when i walk past their beds even though they're frail and all...i thank God that i'm working at the right place when they reach out for my hands in appreciation - how a grandpa / grandma would dote on his own grandchild. I'm sad when a patient's due to go home - yeah, i should be happy that they're well enough to go home, but for the rapport & sort-of a "bond" that's established...i'll miss them dearly...somehow..

Working at a hospital does enlighten me lots....especially when i see how it is like to be old - lotsa medical conditions, inability to walk / swallow / recognise anyone, etc etc etc....things that i can do without even thinking now. Guess it's sobering in that i'm "reminded" everyday not to take anything or anyone for granted.

I'm going to be the speechie my way - whether it seems too personable / "informal" or whatever...
I'm going to be the friend / sister / colleague / daughter / girlfriend my way - no matter what people may say or think, but of course not making anyone want to strangle me, 'cos that's the very me I'm created to be - and i'm saying all these not in a self-centred way, but with much thankfulness. I'm thankful that i can be thankful.

I am Happy

2004-11-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

Woah, it's been 16 days since my last entry...i'll have lots to write about!!! Lemme see.....i'll just blog about the more significant ones that are still fresh in my mind perhaps...to help me recall better, i'll hafta "categorise" it all...though i would love to see my life as all-in-all, and not compartmentalised...

Work-wise....it's been a month since i started work at the hospital! Time flies!! Each day zips by really quickly, the only time i can really sit down and not think of work for more than 15 minutes is at lunch time. However, i feel more "alive" working here, surrounded by people of my age group, and all the happenings around. Been learning lots, though kinda stressed and char-grilled at times, i'm glad that i had decided to job-hop - save me from being a slug at such a young age work-wise. Thank God for nice colleagues too. Finally people know me as a speechie, not a social worker, haha. I don' mind those who had mistaken me for a doc though, hahaaa. My spoken dialects really sux....better work on it before i piss my patients off?!??

Life in general.....well, well...i attended and participated in Ning's wedding. It was great being able to sing with my choir gang again after so many years of MIA. I kinda miss the weekly practices we have had for the past 2 months. Singing is still very much my passion. Ning's hubby did a really heart-warming rendition of "I will be here" when she walked down the aisle - woo-hoo, that was awesome!!! Am really happy for her, that she's found THE man in Stephen! Theirs is an example of a relationship that involves three people - God and the couple - simply awesome....

My new car, named Snoopy a.k.a Xiao Lan (in mandarin), is almost 3 weeks old....it's lovingly adorned with Snoopy stuff which go so well with the cinnamon-coloured interior. Snoopy had also met up with some of her friends at West Coast Park 2 weekends ago. I haven't had the time to give her a good wash yet, oops!....but it's been raining every now and then, haha....anyway, i'm planning to give it a good shower this upcoming long weekend so it should be all-good by then.

There's also someone new in my life, who has cooked and baked for my family. Dadda and Mummy were obviously very impressed with what they had eaten, so was i. It's great that he has met everyone in my immediate family so that's a load off i reckon. It's been a good 1 month for us i guess....i'm glad i have made a positive decision after all the lane changing, indecisiveness and fear. I'm sure he is happy that i'm finally his, despite the fact that i'm still asking lotsa questions and making things difficult most of the time?!?? Hmmmmm, i have met his folks too, for a brief karaoke session, and had to croon an A-mei's song requested by his mom! Well, for once, i couldn't say no at all, couldn't afford to upset someone's mom eh. Lucky my voice was agreeable with the situation, phew!! Meeting someone's folks for the first time is always kinda nerve-wrecking...i'm thankful that they didn't dislike me, phew!!!!! I really hafta say that what we're having now has brought much joy to my life. I am amazed, really amazed that i'm still able to feel this way. Hmmmmmm, he said that my eyes say lots, are those "sparkles" of joy that i'm "unaware" of??

Like i had mentioned to some of my friends, this is a very happy phase in my life right now. It's been a long time since i have felt this way about my life. There's always been something rough-going / confusing at any point in my life. I truly thank God for all that He's given me, and i must say that i am a happy gal right now - at a new work place with nice colleagues in general and lots to learn, with my snoopy which snoops around with me, being pampered and loved by someone who has a way around my crap and nonsense, and having great relationships with my family members. Happy may be a "simple" word but it's really what i would use to describe myself now. I'm sure many of my close friends would feel what i feel, since many of them have been part of my life for a long time. Being & feeling happy....what more could i have asked for?

2004-10-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

Me and my little gorgeous!! :)

Showers

2004-10-23T22:14:00.000+08:00

God showers heaps of blessings....even upon my little blue car :) Yeah, i got my car today - during the rainy afternoon. He didnn't forget to bless my little gorgeous after all. Now it's just all about figuring out a name for "her"....yeah, it's a her, haha. I'm torn between the following names: Marigold, Princess, Gorgeous, Baby, Sweetie, Snoopy, Belle (as suggested by Ah Yi)....

Anyway, it's amazing that my car sales exec has come to be kinda close to my family and i, as if he were a family friend. Thank God that Keith also believes in God :) Maybe that's why i've been blessed with a good buy and good service all this while.

Things are looking more positive at work too - i feel more comfortable doing all the clinical stuff now. Thank God that 2 of my colleagues are Christians too - maybe that's why we're getting along so well, despite the age differences :)

I wonder...

2004-10-19T18:42:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm.....it's been an overwhelming early week thus far....looking at the patients at the hospital, i'm soooo thankful that i can breathe ok, eat and swallow ok, walk ok and etc etc - which we all tend to take for granted until we lose the ability to do so someday....

My first heart-ache at the hospital....when this stroke patient cried in frustration as he was unable to name the fruits and common objects in one of the word-naming tasks. In his case, he was able to comprehend but the part of his brain that controlled the "expressive language" part was impaired due to the stroke. He struggled even at naming an apple. I wonder how it feels to be in his shoes...to have lost that ability to talk proper suddenly (due to the stroke) and being so fully aware of his own inability...sorta being trapped in a withering body...

There's this other patient i observed today - he's at the advanced stage of nasopharynx cancer....the side effects of radiotherapy probably resulted in him losing his hearing in both ears as well. He's unable to eat by mouth like all of us, so he's being fed via the tube. I wonder how he feels to hear nothing and to be unable to eat or drink whatever he wants. In his case, is it better to be dying a gradual death of cancer ( - if he chooses not to go thru' radiotherapy and possibly able to keep his hearing ability) or pneumonia ( - if he continues to eat and drink by mouth, with all the food and drinks going down to his lungs due to a dysfunctional swallow and thus leading to pneumonia)?

I dread the day when anyone in my family has to live thru' a stroke or any other diseases that will cause him / her to lose that ability to function "normally". My heart fears more as i see such patients everyday. I wonder if i'll be able to be like one of the patients' ever-doting and loving wife who keeps him company everyday, encouraging him to recover soon so that he can go home and have his favourite soya bean milk.

I wonder not what i'm doing at the hospital. Being in the midst of these patients has created a more thankful heart in me.

Rainbows

2004-10-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

God's really ever faithful and so real in my life. I forgot to mention that there was a short drizzle yesterday morning as i was on my way to work. Had been feeling anxious about my first day at the hospital. He had once again reassured me via the little showers of His blessings.

It was truly amazing today that i turned to the cubicle next to mine at the office (where all the rehab staff members' work desks are located) and saw the poster titled "God's Rainbows"! I didn't notice that yesterday, how strange. Yeah, i just felt really blessed by God's little touch here and there. Haven't seen the person seated next to me yet, but i'll really wanna meet him in person - after all, he's gonna be my desk-mate - when we do get the chance to work at our desks that is.

Hehe, i also saw a really cute client this afternoon...a 28-year old naval officer who's married but spotted without THE ring as usual, how strange that married people no longer wear THE rings? My senior also commented that he's quite a cute guy, haha. Hahaaaaa, just being bimbotic here....after all, most of my clients would be old folks, so it's good to spot people of my age once in a while :)

Thank God for RAINBOWS, rain and all =)

Thank God!

2004-10-11T18:14:00.000+08:00

Thank God for my first day @ the new work place today - nice immediate colleagues, one of whom happens to be a Flinders OCF-alumni too - she also just moved to this hospital from another one a couple of months ago. All part of God's timing i reckon :) I'll definitely get to learn heaps from the senior speechies. It's awesome that God has planted a fellow ex-OCFer in my life again.

Apart from having to get used to a lack of my own PC and phone line, and dealing with the geriatrics everyday, i'm feeling quite hopeful and excited to start work proper soon. For now, it's still orientation-ish as i tag along with the senior speechies to the various wards.

Thank God for someone too. It's been kinda overwhelming and awesome as i think about how this someone is like. He's got almost all that i have ever prayed about and thought of sometimes. I'm not trying to sound cheesy but people are right in saying that God will provide us with what we pray about. Maybe that's why i don't know how to react this time round.....'cos God's being so spot-on with this someone - whom i wanna say thanks for being so patient with me. (Persevere on even from now onwards, okie doke?) Yeah, i'm giving you THAT answer now via this blog entry - if you ever get to read that is, haha. So...yeah, better give me your 100%...and we should drink more Bacardi Breeze, haha

Thank God for this new phase in my life - new job, new car (next weekend!!!!!!) and (cough, cough!) someone who can take most of my nonsense ( - keep it up!) , haha!

Sightings

2004-10-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

On a lovely Sunday, i spotted the following (!!):

Diana Degarmo & Jon Peter Lewis (from A.I 3) at the lobby of Hotel Intercontinental!!

20% storewide sales at Parco!!

Mr All-Smiley at Topshop (Suntec)!!

"Hao Yi" (from HK tv series Kindred Hearts) at Suntec!!

BAD service at Renn Thai @ Suntec!!!!!!!! - just 'cos we weren't there for a proper dinner, duh!....nevertheless.....

....Yummmmmmmy papaya salad and pad thai at Renn Thai!!!!!!

2004-10-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

Crystal Blue - My gorgeous =)

Finally

2004-10-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

FINALLY......

~ able to breathe in the air without that feeling of breathing past congested airways
~ able to get out of my flat without being all holed-up with that runny nose and lotsa tissue and that very sore nose! Really felt darn miserable with that runny nose all the time for the past 5 days. Fancy being sick during my first week of holiday....as if purging out all my "stress" and angst from leaving the school perhaps...stress really does reduce our immune system...

~ got that burden off my chest by deciding on the crystal blue nissan march after having a look at its cinnamon-coloured interior ( - abit of an oddball but should be an acquired taste i guess), after travelling to the showroom in the west for a look at the real thing, and after tens of sms-es and calls between the sales exec and I, haha. For once, it's the exterior that matters more than the interior. Keith shall receive a letter of appreciation from me for accommodating my requests day and night, and almost all of his day off today even though we were arranging to meet up to no avail ( - joke of the day man) - after i get my gorgeous from him that is :)

(Silly) Aside: I'm really wondering what's up between married guys and i? Why do i seem to attract / connect with the "wrong" kind of guys? It's all a matter of "meeting too late", how sad....but all these "wrong" encounters will serve to point out what the "right" one(s) is (are) i guess...

~ received the first wedding invie from one of my choir kakis. Am so happy for her. We're gonna sing the song That's what Love is For at her church wedding, how cool. Great to have finally met up with some of the choir people after almost 7 years too! Think it'll be lotsa fun for us to perform as a group again after all these years....the magic of choral singing......

~ realise all the more how dear Dad is barely a day after he's left for China. He's now somewhere in Kun Ming, on a tour with my uncle and cousin - all decided only a couple of days ago, woah darn happening! I miss his cooking and just for his presence at home i guess, 'cos he's been sorta nursing me, brewing pots of all sorts of herbal tea, barley drinks and etc all week. Even mum seems to miss him already. She was about to press the doorbell just now, thinking dad's home. And she's gonna buy me what dad would usually get me for breakkie on Sunday mornings! Awwwwwww....

Anyway, even big bro's gone down under for his work. I'm standing in for him to attend a wedding show tomorrow with big sis-in-law-to-be, haha. How exciting!?!?? I shall oooooogle at all the bridal gowns and day-dream, haha....

2004-09-27T19:36:00.000+08:00

My new set of wheels come this November =) Well, well, such a cutesy car..kinda too cutesy for my liking but i test-drove it and really liked the drive. It's a cool little car with superb steering and interior =) Haha, it helped that the sales exec was a nice guy with a nice voice (albeit very married!?!??), who was great, enduring my whole family and i for almost 2 1/2 hours, haha. This cool little blue car ( oh man, i had a big headache trying to decide on the colour!!) shall be christened as Maisie :) My own set of wheels finally...though i'll hafta cut down loads on my shopping and feasting from then on....

Ouch!

2004-09-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

Ouch! That's how my throat feels now.....thanks to me being such a glutton yesterday...downing the 2 boxes of Pocky "Decor" Ah yi had got me from Tokyo ....now my throat feels soooo sore, ouch! Guess it doesn't help that i just came back from my crooning session at this sleazy karaoke too! My poor voice has been abused. Badly.....but i had a great time crooning. It's been ages since i last got to sing with my friends from college.

Hmmmm....feels kinda strange that i don't hafta go to work tomorrow...or rather, for the next 2 weeks....it sure hurts within to be leaving a place where i have established lots of bonds and spent the first moments of my working life. My heart went ouch! when Auntie Pooh cried on Friday night while i was driving her home. Yeah, it just wouldn't be the same anymore but sadly, we just hafta move on somehow, somewhat, sometime.

I'm missing them all badly already....and it's just only been 2 days in between.....
From now till i-dunno-when, i hafta get used to zero daily chats with Auntie Pooh, zero crapping and joking with SFL, zero morning tea with milk from Auntie, zero daily hugs from one of the kiddos, but also zero exposure to all the bitching and etc.

I have no idea how i'll ever forget them....but for now, i would like to feel less of the ouch! by numbing myself with thai papaya salad - the spicy, salty, sour - ness of it....

Ouch....

Pregnancy

2004-09-23T19:00:00.000+08:00

A's pregnant, B's pregnant, so and so are also pregnant. Woah, this is the season for baby-making? Mothers are the best - that's not just an overused statement, that's soooooo true :) They hold our hands for a while but our hearts forever! Dad was telling my sis-in-law about how Mum had coped with all her 3 pregnancies. He related how I arrived for the first time, as if it all happened just a day ago, such vivid images he had succeeded in conjuring in my mind - here was how i decided to get out of my mum's womb, hehe...

Dad went to work as per normal on the morning of 4 April 1979. Mum was sound asleep when he left, but after a while, she felt something amiss...and had to run after my dad. Duh, why did i have to be up to that much mischief when Mum's alone? That's so me eh? Imagine my mum having to run the distance, with ME pressing on her lower body, poor Mummy! She failed to reach my dad who had boarded the bus by then, so she had to ring my grandma who rushed over. Together with a helpful neighbour, Mummy set off to the hospital, driven by someone who happened to drive in the neighbourhood - woah, whoever that was, i thank him with all my heart, for being there for my mum! Guess i had preferred the comfort of a hospital and not a car - thank God! Hehe, so just after a couple of hours, i was out in the open at 11:16a.m =) Dad said that the gynae was spot-on about the date of delivery - hehe, see how precise i had been...i arrived on the dot as the bb gal that my mum so pined for (after my 2 brothers) :) Gosh, i must have been eager to come out to this world - which gets more dreary at times the older i get.

Somehow...after i heard about how i was born, i can't help but feel the bursts of love and appreciation for my mum, and sorta regain my passion for life - yeah, i must have been eager to get out of Mummy's womb so that i can live this life of mine. Mummy had to run for me - i'll never forget this. The image of a very-pregnant mum running. I'll also run for her. Amazing how i can feel that something tingling within me when i lie on my mum's lap...feels as if i were back in her womb :)

So now i look at BB Rachel and SFL as if i were travelling back to 1979 - he's like my dad, having to bring up a sassy and bratty gal born at 11:16a.m, with the love for crying and pouting, haha!

Love = Love?

2004-09-22T07:26:00.000+08:00

I love the feel of early mornings, when dawn breaks and the air smells so fresh....it's been hell at work for the past few days due to some pot holes here and there, so i always love the comfort that the early morning air brings. Let the morning bring word of Your (God's) unfailing love...As small as the work place can be, dozens of tongues are always capable of lashing out at anyone, any time, at whim. Being the emo-emo that i am, i'll always be affected (darn!?!??). After the rain comes shine - i'm sooooo glad and thankful for the downpour yesterday afternoon. That sorta purged it all out in a way. HE knows how to comfort me...

Anyway, while searching for a nice wedding song to suggest to a friend, i re-encountered the following song - which Bro KB had used at his wedding banquet when Jo and he first entered as the newly-wed. His friends had sung it live for them back then - it blew me and everyone else away really. Re-acquainting myself with it again this time round, with the lyrics in hand, is truly a joy. Woah, it's such a beautiful song....and it doesn't even need to include or mention the word "Love". When someone ever sings to me again, and sings this song, i'll be really moved. Hope that THE one will truly love me and be someone i love....till then, this song i shall indulge myself.....and i don't need the word "Love" as per se, but instead let what one will do / say / be take centrestage...

I Will Be Here ------Steven Curtis Chapman
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear,
I will be here.

If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
‘Cause I will be here.

CHORUS
I will be here when you feel like being quiet;
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen.
And I will be here when the laughter turns to crying;
Through the winning, losing, and trying, we’ll be together,
‘Cause I will be here.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear,
I will be here.
As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I will be here.

CHORUS
I will be here,
and you can cry on my shoulder;
When the mirror tells us we’re older,
I will hold you.
And I will be here to watch you grow in beauty,
And tell you all the things you are to me;
I will be here.

I will be true to the promise I have made,
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Prelude to Saying Bye

2004-09-17T07:59:00.000+08:00

One of my fav kiddos at work, J.F beat me to it by saying bye yesterday - he's left for another school which would be more equipped to facilitate his learning and development. This move was orchestrated by yours truly in the first place. I was just glad that he finally got a place at that school, but it was still hard to say bye both to him and his parents who have come to know me by my first name. What touched me the most was his first rather clear and functional word "Bye" to me - the first and last i would hear him speak up proper (his hearing is impaired in both ears and so he can't really say proper words even though he's already 10 years of age) for a long time. Another of my fav kiddo, C also came back to school after the past few months of absence. She too may be hearing-impaired, but the moment she saw me, she tried to say "Teacher". She's the gal who's always trying, always. I'll miss her heaps 'cos she's such a darling!

In this process of uprooting myself from the beautiful times here, packing up and possibly relinquishing of some bonds forged, i finally realise that i haven't lost that passion i have for the kids - which i thought i might have. That deeply-seated passion for them is still there, the only thing that has happened is, i have lost track of that passion due to other factors - which i now deem redundant. Which is why leaving is so hard now. Deep in my heart, as cheesy as it may sound, i can feel that aching pull at it. I never knew that saying goodbye would be this hard....and i'm not even done with that yet...

I don't know?

2004-09-14T15:53:00.000+08:00

Gloomy Tuesday. Sunshine rain early this morning and it's looking all gloomy now. For the better anyway, better than the hot sunny arvo yesterday - when i had to hail a cab along the road, probably being mistaken for one of those prowling Geylang for their bread and butter, just because i happen to not be a man and that i was wearing my satin skirt (an Ah Lian skirt in Boo's words), that was just shitty. Which part of me ever looks like i can sell myself anyway? Duh!

Had a painful start to the week as well, thanks to improper warming up before my muay thai class on Sunday arvo. I went ouch! for almost every step i took on Monday. Thanks to someone's nice gesture via Yoko Yoko ( - if you are reading, thanks mate!!), the ache's much more bearable now....spreading to my calves now...oh man, what was i doing when we're warming up? Hmmmm....maybe i had skipped without doing my stretching first? No wonder Nick always says that i'm day-dreaming?!??

I don't know.....think i'm not exactly in a foul mood today, but neither am i in a truly rosy one somehow. Tis not PMS, neither am i sugar-deprived.Just a day for Nissin cup noodles too...that sorta stylofoam-ish feel about it all...I don't know what i'm talking about too. I don't know why my mood seems abit tangent on whether i've spoken to or seen SFL in person. We haven't really spoken proper this week. Maybe that's for the good....to be dis-associating from everything and everyone here to make my "departure" easier on me and THE ONEs who may be really sad next Friday? I don't know! Best not to be all-knowing i guess.

Maybe i should really go on MC next Friday or like what Boss had said...from now onwards if i want to, haha. After all, i haven't utilised the weeks of MC i'm entitled to! I don't know....darn...i hate it when I don't know.

Last

2004-09-10T10:33:00.000+08:00

Today's big bro's LAST day at work. In his exact words - "What for? Today's not the day for working. It's the day just for some packing, lotsa hand-shaking and saying bye, and then it's us adjourning to the nearest pub for some daytime beer man!" - woah woah woah....no wonder bro's decked in his retro gear - all ready to paaarrrrrrtayyyyy! We're already talking about where to go for our family holiday with the folks, since my LAST day at work is in 2 weeks!! Even the crawling traffic did not do much to dampen bro's mood...he was belting out "We Are The Champion" along to what's played on the radio...one of the rare moments i ever hear bro sing (or rather...croak! Haha)!

Whoever says that auditors, accountants and the like are our typical calculative and bespectacled boring nerds would hafta be proven wrong - just look at my bro. He's a bloody cool dude man, haha....AND...look at that Singapore Idol contestant who had quit his job as a chartered accountant for the contest - he's quite cute too (bonus point to him for thanking our Lord Jesus Christ live on tv!) albeit that as-if-he-were-constipated voice of his - i am concerned about his abuse of his voice though.....he's definitely singing from his throat...very bad....

Anyway, i shan't get into my work mode by dwelling over people's voice use...today's the LAST day of the school hols, meaning it's my LAST 6-hours work day in my working life too....well, to commemorate this day, i've got my radio tuned to WKRZ 91.3 out loud, hehe..hmmmmm, those 2 packets of M & Ms are still waiting nearby too...and my newfound fav Doritos Salsa Verde tortilla chips! AHhhhhh.....

Sweets-Not

2004-09-09T11:29:00.000+08:00

Woo-hoo, it's already Thursday.....i haven't that much to blog about the past couple of days other than that it's good and simple joy to have spent time at home with my mum and bro who popped by to get dinner albeit the parking fine he had got ( - the only bad thing for yesterday).

FOR ONCE i didn't go high or nuts when Auntie Pooh offered me 2 packets of M & Ms. I have had enough of anything SWEET for once, FINALLY!....after a slice of walnut cake for breakkie, and another slice of yesterday's kaya cake for brunch 'cos auntie's trying to distribute to everyone what's left from yesterday....not forgetting the mini oreos and kaya cake i had yesterday...Yup, I have had enough of the sweets. Period.

Anyone who has known me for more than a day would probably heave a big sigh of relief perhaps? Me and my sweet tooth.....i'm getting VERY concerned bout the spoonfuls of sugar i have ingested for the past 25 years! Funny how i've come to be associated with food / snacks of various sorts too...Auntie Pooh asso me with M & Ms, great improvement from me & junk food when i first joined them after coming back from down under, haha. Another colleague exclaimed "Oh i remember you and your Listerine strips!" when i offered her after-meal mint tic-tacs (instead of Clorets). SFL shouts "Food" when i pick up his phone call. No "hello" or "hi", just "Food" - is that being rude or just being very familiar with me on weekday mornings i wonder? Anyway, he really religiously buys me rice with nothing but lotsa green veggies (darn gross huh?) and beancurd - which i devour with much delight most of the time....except for days when i just wanted fried carrotcake.Dadda buys fresh milk home only for my consumption, not the HL or other local brands but only those from down under - even though i never said that i was anti-local brands. He also buys sour prunes and haw slices for my indulgence. Mummy knows that a box of muah chee will bring me lotsa joy.

I guess i can be the walking advert for lotsa brands out there eh....but nothing SWEET today, and for the rest of this week....at least....

You are still ....

2004-09-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

"You are still so cheery and bubbly"
"I'm glad to get your email, short of hearing your melodious voice..."
" You are still so perky"
"Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you're near?" - that's one of the sweeeetest sms-es i've ever received though....even though i never quite figure out if the sender's joking or serious about it...
" This colour (orange, yellow) suits you"

Woah woah woah....what's this? Me bubbly? I have a melodious voice????? PERKY???!!?!?? ....sound as if i were a floating bubble cum a mobile treble clef cum a jumping jelly bean with that halo above me perhaps??!??? Strange that i never thought i were all these...well maybe i'm abit crazy / noisy / crappy at times....but nooooooo, i'm not those sunny-ish sorta gal whose wardrobe is full of bright stuff. I used to be known for my ethnic clothes in earthy tones! Seems that my mini "overhaul" has worked abit? All i ever wanted was to brighten myself up abit....and try new colours and stuff while i'm not too old to be vain, haha. Guess that's also how people are perceiving me...'cos i thought i could also be anti-social / aloof / "quiet"!?!??

And....what's this "You are still....." ? These people haven't seen me for years / months...so...is it bad to be STILL cheery and bubbly? HMMMmmmmm....did they intend to mean that i should be more mellowed down and perhaps depressed then? Hmmmmm....or were they just kinda (to me..that's strange) amazed that i'm still so full of "it" - which i'm not fully conscious of?

I am really darn bewildered here. Period.

31/8 - Now

2004-09-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

Woah, i have lots to recapt....okay i must admit that it's not been an easy week, in that i had been agonising over the decision to accept the job offer, then had to crack my already-overworked brain over how i should inform my current boss and how to write my first resignation letter! ?!?? Yeah that's why i haven't been blogging daily. Darn. My daily routine was disrupted by this ONE decision to make. I'm just duh....

31/8: Got the phone call re: my new job salary package just after i have reached my office with the cheese burger and OJ from Maccers. I was actually kinda disappointed at the pay offered 'cos i had thought that it was more than that - which was inaccurate research on my part. This phone call kinda put a not-so-rosy end to the month of August in that i knew that i really had to make THE decision from that point on. Reality sure bit me hard....i've never been very good with decision-making!

01/9: I attended the staff welfare function for Teacher's Day @ Cineleisure with a heavy heart as THE decision was due the end of the day. However, i hafta say that it's pretty cool a function this time round instead of the usual luncheon @ some indian restaurant - we had the preview lounge to ourselves, with light refreshments before the movie 13 going on 30 at brunch time, followed by yummmmmy food for lunch. The movie appealed to the kid in us i guess. Some of us kinda went ga-ga over the guy who was Jennifer Garner's character's love interest - he's the typical SNAG sorta guy, hehe. Auntie Pooh was tearing during those mother-daughter scenes....me too....well, the older we kids get, the harder it is for our folks, especially our beloved mummy dearest to have us to themselves....guess that resonated in Auntie Pooh's life now that her daughters aren't with her all-week...

Anyway, i managed to get a day more to ponder over the job offer, simply 'cos i wasn't at the office to email the HR exec back! Oh well, i just couldn't bring myself to make THE decision somehow....after consulting my family members and close friends as far as Ah yi (who's backpacking around the US alone) who was bumming around New York's Times Square, with a demonstration going on when i rang her...so surreal both for her and me, that we're talking on the phone but sooo far apart...Even ah yi was rooting for me to go for it so yeah...

02/9: THE day i REALLY had to let the HR exec know my decision. God's reassurring in that He let there be rain early in the morning when i awoke and once again, a short 5-minutes downpour close to brunch time as if to shower upon me His blessings for the decision i had reached. I'm just duh...fancy trying to "buy time" when i already decided to take it up. FINALLY rang her at noon and able to lead the rest of my life as per normaly again!! Yeah, i had really been very heavy-hearted until THE call with THE decision...
Well, i thought of handing Boss THE letter only on Saturday...but 'cos of some reasons, i told him verbally. My first resignation - and yet Boss & I were still joking and all....how bizarre...
03/9: I gave Boss THE letter, and signed THE contract at lunch time. Glad that i would have 2 weeks to rest and relax before starting at the hospital in mid October - now i hafta crack my brain over where to go for a holiday outta here.....decision-making yet again! Arrrrrrrgggghhh!
04/9: Had dinner at this really cool middle-eastern cafe, Samar Cafe @ Baghdad St, off Arab St. The set-up's exotic....with all the dim lights at the upper deck of the shophouse, arabian music, rugs, and smoking pipes. I tried the apple milk - an ice blended concoction of apples, milk, honey and rose water. It tasted odd but i could still stomach the whole glass of it. Odd drinks for a bizarre me perhaps?

Running

2004-08-30T09:08:00.000+08:00

I seem to have a weird fetish for running / sprinting men right now, haha....no thanks to the Olympics in Athens though. I'm talking about the actors who run in movies especially, apart from being swept off my feet in a way by how someone had sprinted at the sports meet 2 Saturdays ago. I thought that Matt Damon looked soooooooo cool when he was running from people / sprinting on the beach in the movie The Bourne Supremacy. Well, i'm never a fan of his but i thought those running scenes were awesome. Wonder what's up with me these days?

Perhaps i'm in need of a running act myself? I've just been offered a better-paying job with better job prospects. The reason why i have first applied for the job is to get outta here, where i am working at currently. I feel darn stuck here. The pace is very slow, too slow for me i guess. I'm a sucker for more stress perhaps, bizarre me? The boss already makes it clear that the way my employers will deal with me is affected by the fact that they know i'm not here to stay for long due to the way scholars are seconded to various organisations on a 2-year basis. That's such a disadvantaged position to be in. No one will ever develop me to the max, knowing i'll never be a "long-term" staff of theirs. I'll never grow much professionally until the day i finish my work bond.

That explains why i'm taking up this recent job offer, albeit with mixed feelings. I never know that resigning and moving on is that hard and kinda stressful. I guess this change of path onto a runner's lane does make me well up with uncertainty, anxiety and fear to some extent, although i know it's for the better. Until i tender my resignation letter, the first real one in my working life, and until i sign on the dotted line in another deed...i'll continue the slow walk here, to warm up for the run ahead. Yeah, on the runner's lane this time round, and i won't look back.

The Looooong Drive

2004-08-27T02:10:00.000+08:00

What would i do without getting to drive to work early in the morning when it's not all-bright? Catch a cab - my heart would scream for, catch the bus my brain would argue for. Well, i do love driving - when i can cruise along smoothly and when i don't zone-out that is, while singing my heart out to my songs for the moment (i.e. The Reason, songs by Z Chen, Clay Aiken & whatever that's playing on WKRZ 91.3 and Power 98)...but i really dreaded the drive home last night - well, i had to drive home amidst the torrential rain + a windscreen that was kinda more fogged-up than usual to start with 'cos of the build-up of dirt perhaps?...couldn't quite see the lane markings on the road very well, especially along PIE for a good 10 minutes and the rest of my journey home.

How scary...especially for the zoned-out "driver" part of me by the end of a day - scatterbrainy too...i had driven for a good 10 minutes without switching on the headlights and even ended up on a one-way road near Bugis Village after dropping one of my friends off (no wonder i couldn't see any lanes for me to continue driving on after the drop-off point, apart from some cars whizzing by the opposite direction, duh!).

Anyway...back to THE drive home thereafter....it really took whatever energy's left in me to focus on the road, while the rain kept pouring and blinding my view. I got lost again, as usual, when i missed the right turning to get onto CTE from Little India. Got a little tour of Novena consequently. For once, i also realised how much a reliance i had placed on lane markings - the lack / unclarity of which threw me kinda off-balance for a while. Yeah, i'm a female driver one would say with much sarcasm? Guess it didn't help that i was talking to my passenger about BGR and how Singaporean gals sux at the same time. I was just not cut out to be a multi-tasker, haha...but i did well, considering i didn't scream in fear or fail to drive my friend back home. It was a relief that other people were taking their time on the road too...who would be able to speed like crazy under such conditions i wonder?? If only we can all drive like that all the time...just go slow without getting horned at and enjoy more of the scenery instead of seeing blurry images of trees and lamp posts?

For once, i was immensely glad and relieved to have reached the car park at my block safe and sound - both for me and Isaac (the name i had given to my bro's car) - the whole drive had seemed such a loooooooong one.....

Rainbow (Re) Connection

2004-08-26T14:35:00.000+08:00

It's been such a rainy day. I actually felt the chill at my "open-air" (a.k.a non air-conditioned) office which would otherwise be darn humid and warm on sunny days. Cool relief it was, i always prefer cooler days.....so wintry, like those days during winter in Adelaide!

Met up with 2 friends from college choir days. I haven't actually seen or been in contact with one of them for almost 7 years!! It was great, just catching up and all. We marvelled at how long a friendship we have had and those fun times during the choir tour to San Francisco. Gosh, my friend still remembered the pic we had taken of him feeding me at Tony Roma's! We reminisced about the huge pizza slices we had there too.

Anyway, we had dinner at Creation Cafe @ Shaw Tower....it seemed very much raved about (...all those awards and press releases all over) despite its inconspicuous location - neither here nor there sorta location. I had vege tomato pasta - been ages since i had that, haha. It was yummmmmmmy, taste and texture just right...not forgetting my all-time favourite parmesan cheese sprinkled all over my pasta, and the brownie with vanilla ice-cream we had for dessert too...woo-hoo...what a sinfully fab dinner that was! The cafe was a nice little set-up with an all-guys crew, these guys can cook man! Their service was great too!

Creation (Cafe) + Rainbow Connection = ?
Well, the song "Rainbow Connection" was played on their audio during dinner...i've always had a thing for that song somehow....just love the tune and all after i had learned the song when i was still a small kid. The lyrics did not make sense to me back then though. It must have been years since i last heard it played. Moreover, it was played after the song "Love, Me"...woah, what a setting!
Guess the rainbow holds a special place in my heart, in that it is testimonial of God's faithfulness and beauty in my life. Creation (Cafe) + Rainbow Connection = God :) WOW...

Rainbow Connection
Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Who said that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on the morning star?Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.
Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Wh Questions

2004-08-25T07:26:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling extremely inquisitive today....
WHY...

...are there people who set their MSN / Icq status to "Away" / "Extended Away" / "Busy" almost all-day when they can just shut down the whole darn thing? Is that one's way of hoping to receive messages but still having that choice to reply? Is that one's way of showing how busy he / she is?If so....WHY doesn't one just be "Invisible" or log off altogether instead? Beats me....i have friends who're perpetually "Extended Away" or "Away" all-day...

...are (online / email / blog) nicknames such a big deal - to the extent that it seems uncool to use one's own name? I was caught in this nickname frenzy before...changing my nickname on MSN every 2--3 hours to reflect my "mood" for the moment, bizarre bizarre...i must have been crazy..

...do people seem to frown upon yours truly when i am close to someone of the opposite gender and very married? Where's the line drawn between a purely platonic friendship and something (potentially) dodgy i wonder? Hmmmmm, i'm not even sure of the status between us sometimes...maybe it's really impossible to have anything platonic for long...

...am I bingeing on Nabisco chicken biscuits today instead of sweeter stuff like chocs and candies like i'll always do? I'm feeling nostalgic and craving for something salty and different perhaps? Used to have these chicken biscuits from the retro-green Nabisco box back in the late 80s / early 90s...those were the days when my bros and i would fight over who should have the first bikkie!

...am I feeling so sleepy today, even though i had given Extreme Makeover a miss last night so i could sleep by 11...strange....hope i'll be awake till 8pm for my muay thai class later!

WHAT...

... is he thinking of when he flicks that leaf off my fringe that day?

... is the number of calories i have taken for 6 sushi and a whole box of chicken biscuits during the day - gosh...the amount of sodium, carbo, fats and all i have ingested?!??!??! Gotta work harder jabbing, crossing and kicking later then....

... is that one word to describe my day thus far? Salty?

Where...

... is Ah Yi right now?...backpacking somewhere in the US i reckon...hope she's all-safe and sound...

... will i be in 5 years? Still here, and answering PM Lee's call to make a difference to the nation? At a cosy set-up, happily married with a little one? Hmmmmm, my new goal - to have a goal!

Who...

... will be THE one i'm married to then?

... am I really??

Red

2004-08-24T00:28:00.000+08:00

Ouch and very RED! That's how i would kinda describe my weekend, haha. My shoulders and collarbone area are now darn itching-red...after all the sun kisses they had received at the sports meet all-day on Saturday - well, i was assigned to be one of the "runners" a.k.a photographers for the event. Was all geared-up to be in the sun - with my new Nike red visor, tank top, shorts and sports sandals but i forgot the all-important sunblock! What a bummer! I wasn't the only one getting all red though...Boss and Auntie Pooh were looking like red lobsters too, haha!
It was an interesting experience seeing all the students and trainees from the adult centres coming together for a day of activities though. Hope those pics i had taken would turn out well...considering i was trying to jostle among many other non-official photographers for that piece of action!

Proceeded to Bro KB's place for dinner and dvd thereafter. Yummmmmmy dinner man...i had the fried ramen with grilled salmon (take-away) from that Ramen place at Jubilee, green salad & frozen cream-filled strawberry dipped in while choc from MOS Burger, a small packet of Jack & Jill's sour cream & onion potato chips (courtesy of my pregnant & very happy sis-in-law's big 16-packets bag of chips from Giant), and a glass-full of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey (banana-flavoured with chunks of DARK choc!) while watching the gory and bloody Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2 - oh, what a Saturday night!! Kill Bill Volume 1 was darn bloody - all the spurting of blood, but i did enjoy it all - the comical moments courtesy of Pai Mei (with his rebonded-straight beard and eye brows!?) and how The Bride eventually killed Bill in Volume 2.

I was all K.O on Sunday and had intended to idle it away with the latest issue of Cleo, but the better of me decided that i should be less "self-centred" and be out there with a friend, C at East Coast Park for cycling and perhaps some sunshine (although...for once, i felt that i have had enough of it - thanks to an overdose of it on Saturday). Guess the better of me had made a good decision - C really needed a listening ear - that's one of the rare times that C had asked me out at such short notice. Everyone needs someone to ventilate and blah-blah to every now and then i reckon. I'm glad that i could still be there for my friend.

I hafta say that Sundays aren't the best for cycling at ECP though - so trecherously crowded that we're always meandering our way around bladers, cyclists, joggers and the like. Real peace and comfort came only when we stopped cycling and had our break at that jetty down the far end near the country club.

Anyway, i had dinner at Sakae Sushi again on a Sunday night - gotta have my cravings for the fried tofu and cold soba met, haha! We walked around Parkway Parade after dinner - darn. i didn't bring all my cards out so could only drool over stuff i saw. Guess that worked better...else i would end up buying lotsa stuff on credit again. C must be really troubled...we just kept walking and walking....you know how one just wanna keep walking the blues away sometimes? Had to cut the night short 'cos i was getting kinda cranky and finding it difficult to hear all that C had to say - post-sun & cycling fatigue struck me and i was ready to fall asleep even while walking, oops!

Well, it was a bloody sunny and great weekend I have had nevertheless. Good to have had lots more sunshine but then i have gained yet another few tan-lines again (shucks, when will i ever get a more even-toned upper body??), sigh!?

The One

2004-08-20T22:46:00.000+08:00

It's a cloudy Friday morning but it seems otherwise for me - the clouds seem to be clearing, i can see better now.....compared to how myopic and distracted i have been for the past 6 months.
Hmmmm I think that I've finally figured out who The One may be....he is...
1. The One who is still all-attentive and interested after all my incessant verbal diarrhoea and nonsense
2. The One who always seems to have something positive to say about stuff I told him
3. The One who's almost always smiling
4. The One whom i feel quite at ease with
5. The One with whom i can be myself, without having to try hard to impress at all
6. The One who loves his family
7. The One who still pursues girls in the "old-fashioned" way
8. The One who bothers to ring me on the phone instead of relying on sms / chats online
9. The One who has changed how i perceive how The One should be

G'day!

2004-08-20T03:16:00.000+08:00

Woo-hoo!!! The day must be getting better! Bro KB just sms-ed to announce that he and Jo are expecting a little one next March or April!!!!! =) Tis such a wonderful piece of news! Gonna be Auntie Kate soooooon, woo-hooooo! I'm so filled with excitement now :) :) :) :) :) Guess this little bundle of joy would most probably be an April baby and have his / her birthday in line with the rest of us =) Funny how babies can make our day - gonna take this piece of news with me to keep me awake for some boring meeting at the HQ later......wooooooo-hooooo....cheers to my nephew / niece-to-be =)

Carrot Cake

2004-08-20T02:05:00.000+08:00

A thunderstorm sorta started my day, though in the wee hours while i was half-awake. Wonder if that's a bad omen? One of those bloody bad traffic jams greeted my first step to work from home - so bad that i couldn't even enter PIE or get out of where i was. Is that reflective of my life? Being stuck and all? Traffic was crawling slow all over as all of us took that one alternate route at the same time. I was a good 15 minutes late for work, feeling kinda shitty after the bad traffic jam and a bad time the night before 'cos my dad gave me a hard time at home. Guess i was also feeling kinda off 'cos i was late for work - that broke my usual routine as i've always loved being at work on time, before it gets all bright.

God must know all the crap and tears shed - He comforted me with carrot cake for breakkie! The english carrot cake that comes with that layer of cheese that is. Auntie Pooh had baked it for me! That was like chicken soup for my soul. Well, she has promised to bake me one since last year so i'm so glad she finally got it out. It was all so timely as well.

Strange that it's called carrot cake but yet i tasted more of the cheese...well, i asked Auntie Pooh for the recipe and boy was i amazed at the loads of ingredients involved, including 2 big carrots, and yet my taste buds were screaming cheese-cheese-cheese somehow - they must have gone kinda haywire for the day.

Funny how you'll taste and find what you expect to though, 'cos i finally got to taste the "carrot-ness" of it all after switching on my taste buds full-on to try the cake again.
What shall i expect then....at least for the rest of my day?

The Tate Family Strikes?!?

2004-08-18T22:55:00.000+08:00

"You've heard of the corny Tate family. They pervade every organization. There is Dick Tate, who wants to run everything. Ro Tate tries to change everything. Agi Tate stirs up trouble whenever possible, and Irri Tate always lends him a hand.
"Whenever new ideas are suggested, Hesi Tate and Vegi Tate pour cold water on them. Imi Tate tries to mimic everyone, Devas Tate loves to be disruptive, and Poten Tate wants to be a big shot. But it's Facili Tate, Cogi Tate, and Medi Tate who always save the day and get everyone pulling together."

Wonderful Tate family indeed. I was accosted by Ms Irri Tate in the wee hours of the day at 3:38a.m, who decided that someone should ring me on my mobile phone. Why wasn't my mobile phone switched off one would ask...well, i used it as my alarm clock too....which now brings it to mind that maybe i should get an alarm clock proper? Anyway, receiving a "private call" with no numbers listed at 3:38a.m wasn't funny at all. I unanswered it of course. I was kept awake wondering who the hell that was - a prank call? urgent call from someone overseas? a call from another realm since it's that month of the year? Glad that the phone didn't ring again. Freaked me out for a good 15 minutes or so before i could drop back to sleep for another 3--4 REM cycles i had hoped.

Ms Irri Tate sure did her job well, i had yet another nice dream brought to an abrupt end 'cos of the phone call. What a bummer.
Hope that none of the Tate family members would come my way in this manner again! Fingers crossed....

?#!*!?

2004-08-18T03:13:00.000+08:00

This must be one of those sssssssshhhhhhitty (?) days again - when i had to cut-short my dream (- i finally get to work at a hospital setting...in the dream that is!!) to wake up on time, when cars from nowhere appeared right in front of mine, when i didn't feel like resorting to comfort eating a.k.a bingeing on chocs or anything with choc or that crunchiness to it. I also haven't erupted or anything of that sort at all...which makes it all kinda "scary" ...like the calm waters before THE storm, oh-oh?

SFL told me that after a shitty day, just one look at bb Rach sleeping soundly (albeit her now-very-pau-like-face, haha) would cause everything to disappear into nothingness. Hmmmmm, whose face would do that magic for me then??? (I also can't help but wonder, does my face do that magic for anyone, if ever?) Arrrrrrghhhhhh....I can't find THAT face at work for sure....guess it will just be the punchbag for me later tonight.....while i imagine someone's face on it perhaps? Yeah, that someone who's in need of some facial stimulation - if ever I can think of anyone I even feel like doing this to.....NO one has come to mind.....am i such an angel? How else can i get this whatever-that-is-within out of the system? Someone please tell me what to do...

Daddy

2004-08-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

My dad has been sick with a darn bad sore throat and blocked nose since last weekend, but after much nagging from all of us, he still refused to see the doc - up till now! It feels kinda shitty that there's nothing much I can do to help him feel better. Just the sight of my sick dad - still going about all the household chores despite feeling sick. -(A sick youngster sure looks different from a much older adult in his 50s) is enough to kill me. I thought about how he would fuss over us with all the herbal tea, barley water and the like whenever anyone's sick, but neither of us was able to create that much of a fuss to much success. Darn.

I always wonder how it feels to be my daddy. Crappy me, sour puss and spoilt brat all rolled into one. Not just me, myself and I. There're my bros and my mum too - who each has their idiosyncrasies that I shall just spare one from knowing, and yet daddy knows exactly what each one of us likes and dislikes, what our habits are and blah blah. It always feels great to have those hot breakfast he buys home on weekends. It's like a good treat after all the duh weekday breakfast such as those "fanciful" buns my mum would buy from Bread Talk and other spin-offs. Dad would buy everyone a share except for himself most of the time. Dad would go grocery-shopping and lug back all the bags all by himself even though one of us could have driven him to and fro. What we always see on the sofa thereafter is a tired lump with sore arms, legs and blah blah. Feels as if we were abusing him. Darn. And strangely, there's just nothing we all can do when dad goes about self-sacrificially.That is my dad - ever self-sacrificing...but perhaps forgetting that he's not getting any younger man.

I look at my colleague - daddy to a newborn baby girl who is now about 2 1/2 months old. Every expression from her matters heaps to him, except for her incessant cries that he has by now learned to ignore...until her face turns green from too much crying! This baby has my vote for life - she rocks man....knowing how to twist her daddy around her finger at such a young age, and she sure cries with gusto. And now, it's every different sound she makes that he bugs me with. Talk about me agreeing to provide free consultation to him for a year. Anyway, he came to me with much delight just now, exclaiming that baby Rach has uttered sounds that sounded like "Daddy"! Rach must be really a "superbly fabulously" (her dad's new middle name, christened by himself!) smart bb to be able to say a 2-syllable word at 10 weeks old! Well, it all cleared up soon after - she probably said "Air-ee" - which is still pretty advanced for her age.

Oh well, the point I'm trying to make is, daddy is daddy - no one can ever replace him or love like he does. I am tracing BB Rach's growing up process with much interest - it is probably as close a replica of how I must have been to my own daddy.

First's

2004-08-17T04:51:00.000+08:00

Woah, I had many "first-time"s through the weekend that has just passed...maybe I'm really beginning to embrace more of the carpe diem spirit? Good on ya, kate?

Well, i dished out a whole load of crap to parents / caregivers of 16 students of mine for the first time this year - so much crap that a couple of them decided to steal a few winks!??!? Gosh, i only know better, having been one of the many who had frowned in exasperation, and been drowned in boredom during those seminars, talks and etc. Despite having succeeded in serenading these tired souls to sleep with all the speechie jargon, I am proud to share that the workshop was a good one - everyone had so much fun 'cos food and drinks were involved! Food's really the best way of getting everyone's attention after all! Oh well, thank God no one choked to death when I got them to try eating and drinking stuff of various textures, and in various positions.

Caught the movie Collateral 'cos there was no better movie that we could have caught at that time and at that place. Yups, for the first time, I had caught a movie without planning to do so. A Tom Cruise movie too - which I've been so sure of not watching. My dinner companion had warned me that the only good thing about the movie was, watching Tom Cruise run! Oh man, why would I bother watching the way he runs?What's happening to me these days? I just needed to catch a movie after dinner. No other reasons really. Boy was I glad that it was a good movie after all - a clever and slick urban thriller indeed....yes, there was that running scene but I only thought that Tom Cruise looked kinda puny in that suit of his. Oh but he did win me over with that shooting scene at the club, Fever - woo-hoo!

It was also the first time in months or years that I actually walked from Suntec to Dhoby Gaut after the movie - it's been a looooong time since I indulged in such slow and long walks in town. It was good, just walking, talking, walking, talking instead of having to drive my way through this part of town, and missing out on having a closer look of those sculptures outside the museum, feeling the fan blow at my face and getting a smile from that cute waiter at Olio Dome, having more contact with everyone I walked past, and feeling that surprisingly nice cool breeze on a pleasant night in Singapore.

Oh man, I would have thought that I have had enough firsts on a single day....but it seemed that there was just a few more to come on Sunday itself. I had my first bite of that yucky-looking snail thingy at Sakae Sushi 'cos someone said "Hey, try it, you only live once!" - to which I hafta agree with. Alrighty so it ended up in my mouth and tasted like clam, but I would never have it again. It took me too much effort just to pull it out of the shell! That dinner itself was also the first I had, sitting beside someone I met for the first time. It was a set-up, right from the start. I'm glad he's a nice someone - it's the first time in many months since someone just cleared my plate of shells and the like (without anyone asking) so that I could continue my dinner nice and proper, helped open the tea bag and place it in the cup for me and helped cut the food into smaller pieces so everyone had an easier time sharing the food. That was real thoughtfulness. It was also the first time someone asked me to have a sniff of his aromatic hazelnut latte and have a taste of it - it was just great. The coffee I meant, haha.

Well, I suppose the weekend has been very pleasant - for the many first's I have had, and for it being the first weekend (this couple of months at least) when I never gave much thought to what I was to do. I just go. I just be. I had pleasant times!

Grey

2004-08-14T04:42:00.000+08:00

Where is the line drawn - between black and white, right and wrong, like and dislike, big and small, etc etc extremes both ways? Who is to berate me for going off the tracks by allowing abit or maybe alot of grey areas in my life?

Perhaps that's why I'm always doing the juggler's act between both extremes. To stay put at one extreme...does that spell an end to flexibility - to adapt to circumstantial changes? Does that mean that we can't succumb to our emotions sometimes?
I don't have the answer to all that but I do know that I will get to one extreme one of these days - not because I don't believe in the grey, but because I have stayed at one spot. Just longer each time, until it becomes the new grey?

Perhaps

2004-08-13T01:53:00.000+08:00

The rising sun greeted me as I glanced at the rear-view mirror in the midst of crawling traffic atop the flyover, to keep myself - well at best, a mediocre attempt I had made - "alert" by looking around. That's a good start to yet another day for me actually. I've been living like a stepford wife perhaps, just going about the routine while maintaining a positive (shallow?) outward appearance? How long can I keep that "resilience" going? I don't know. Period.

It does hit me that the sun does always rise, and it's not by accident. God plans for the sun to rise. To everything, there is a season and timing - and that may not always be within my control or prediction.....how comforting and morbid all at once...

The guy who sang Solitaire at the Singapore Idol audition as his heart-song to his demised father - it's been quite some time since I was moved to tears by some tv programmes. He might not have been the most competent singer but he rocked people's hearts big-time with that song from his heart. I thought about how much regret he must have carried within - for not having made known (enough) his love for his father while he was alive. I also thought about how it would have been way too late and futile to express (more of) my love and respect for my own folks only at their funeral -any time during the years to come, although I wish that would never have to come. I also thought about how I would have lost that special someone due to my apparent indifference and nonchalance - all part of that mask for my deep-set fear of taking the plunge. I also thought about how easily I may be able to get re-acquainted with friends from yester-years now...but would there always be the "1,2,3, .... years in between" to do so?

I'm but one of the many who (unwittingly or not) take loved ones and friends around for granted. The carpe diem spirit may have come across as kinda cheesy and overused, but perhaps I should start embracing it abit more in my dealings with people. Perhaps I should start speaking to my father more than the countable number of phrases each day, start listening more to my mum's daily reports of her life without all the frown lines creeping in, start living out more the "take the plunge, come what may" way of life and blah blah blah. Well, perhaps..start being and living as if it were my last day as an earthling, no matter how cheesy that may sound.

Sunrise

2004-08-12T02:00:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhh, the sun rises yet again...I was an insomniac till almost 1/4 past 4 this morning. Only managed to catch 2 hours of sleep before waking up for the first day of work after such a loooooong weekend (almost 5 full days of hols, woah!) - was a dreamy driver on the loose but thank God I got to work in one piece! Despite the lack of sleep, I'm feeling sunny :) Well, things wouldn't come to a standstill or change much even if I allow myself to indulge in self-pity? I've decided to keep that spring in my steps even though it's gonna be a bumpy ride ahead - it's just gonna be a very sore butt, bruised knees and heels at the very worst. Here goes the sun...rising up-up-up...

(Re-)Connections

2004-08-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

July and for the most of the first week of August must be the times for "re-connections"....i got re-acquainted with 3 friends - two whom I haven't seen in person for about 1 1/2 and 4 years respectively whilst the other - amazingly - we haven't seen each other for almost 16 years!

It was good just touching base with each other again. We may all never be the way we had been during those yester-years - changed and perhaps all-weathered by all the years of experiences standing between us, but the beauty of friendships stands - we just sorta pick up where we had left off. Tales of love (loss, gain, hopes), hobbies current and new, news family- and work-wise. One thing that we all now have in common - another name entry in our mobile phones and friendster community, and activity partner to call upon :) Isn't life all about becoming a part of many someone's lives?

Home (National Day) 2004

2004-08-10T12:12:00.000+08:00

As usual, I'm home on a public holiday night - what's new? The only break in my usual routine on such days....hmmmm....I ended up vegging for a shorter duration i.e. a shorter afternoon nap? :p
Anyway, I'm always amazed at how teary I could get while watching the NDP on tv....not that I'm feeling very patriotic out of a sudden, but I guess it does somehow, somewhat get to me that I'm part of the nation after all? The song "Home" just never fails to touch that little core of my heart.
Home is where the heart is...I wonder if my heart is even alive? Where is it heading?

2004-08-02T03:45:00.000+08:00

My song for the moment.....just for that part about almost making it, almost having it all...

Don't Cry Out Loud by Melissa Manchester
[Words by Carol Bayer Sager and Music by Peter Allen]

Baby cried the day the circus came to town
'Cause she didn't want parades just passing by her
So she painted on a smile
And took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about her
'Cause you see
Baby is an awful lot like me

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
Learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
The different kind of love she thought she'd found
There was nothin' left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can't be broken
'Cause you see
She had the finest teacher
That was me, I told her

Don't cry out loudJust keep it inside
And learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
And learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost made it

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
And learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all

Cheeeeeeesecake!

2004-07-01T10:51:00.000+08:00

Me and the crazy dollies at the cheesecake cafe - after eating a whopping 5 slices of cheesecakes and tiramisu, yummmmmy!...and not forgetting the wedges, calamari rings and oooooh-heavenly camomile tea! We must have been highly-charged, so much so that the moment we stepped out of the cafe, all lights went out - both in and out of the cafe, and all through Upper East Coast Road, haha....during the almost nation0wide blackout night on 29th June 2004 - THE night!